- “Two Sickies Don’t Make a Wellie.” - April 8, 2026
- The Saving Grace of Family Recovery - August 22, 2025
- Honoring Humility - October 23, 2019
Over the years that my daughter struggled with substance use disorder, I came to understand some hard truths about myself. One was that I was just as sick as she was and neither of us had a chance at being well if something – or someone – didn’t change. The reality was that “two sickies don’t make a wellie.”
The idea that I was sick seemed impossible at first. After all, I was a high-functioning, well organized, ready-to-do-battle-with-addiction kind of mom. I honestly believed I could fix my daughter on my own. I was a heroic, caped-crusader and world-class rescuer fueled by equal parts love and fear.
The “What If” Cycle
I was driven by the “what ifs.” What if she can’t pay her bills? What if she loses her job? What if she gets arrested? What if she doesn’t finish college? To quell my fear – and prove my love – I did everything possible to fix her problems. Unfortunately, the relief I felt with each fix or rescue was short lived as the problems recurred over and over.
It was a cycle that wore me down with each go round. As time went on, I realized that my rescuing no longer made me feel good. It was actually impacting my health. My fear escalated, my anxiety was ever present, my finances were suffering and my usually positive outlook on life turned to one of foreboding and waiting for the next crisis. I had become as sick as my daughter.
I came to understand that my approach to helping my daughter had no effect because her use of drugs and alcohol was not a choice. Just as she never made a choice to become addicted, she could also not simply choose to stop. She was sick with a disorder that hijacked her brain, causing her to think only of using, despite escalating negative consequences. Substance use disorder also hijacked her body, sending her into painful withdrawal if she tried to stop on her own.
Her sickness needed the help of professionals, and the support of others fighting the same battle. The same was true for me.
Addiction is a Disease
I had to face the fact that I had no power over addiction, and no ability to control my daughter’s use or recovery. Mentally, emotionally and physically, I needed recovery too. The foundation of my recovery journey has been peer support – rooms filled with other parents who share their experience, strength and hope.
Every week, we meet to talk about our situations and challenges, with a focus on self-care and learning to parent differently. We acknowledge that we matter too and that we can, and should, find joy in life despite the pain of loving a child with a substance use disorder.
The greatest gift of my peer-led awakening has been the realization that by working on myself, I’ve actually helped my daughter find her own recovery. When I no longer fixed and rescued, she had the opportunity to experience consequences. When I no longer cleared the obstacles, she learned to overcome challenges – and feel the pride of doing so.
Recovery is Possible for Parents Too
Eventually, my daughter and I both achieved sustained recovery. Conflict has been replaced by shared understanding. Anxiety has been quelled through honest communication. Expectations are held only for ourselves, not each other. Our lives have progressed down new pathways that once seemed impossible.
Through treatment, professional counseling, education, peer support and hard work, our “sickie” cycles and have been replaced by a “wellie” mindset. Life is good and we are so grateful.
This piece was submitted anonymously by a member of the Be a Part of the Conversation community. If you have a story to share, and you would like to do so while protecting your confidentiality, you are welcome to contact us and express interest in sharing an anonymous blog post submission.
