Holding On by Letting Go
When someone you love is addicted, one of the most difficult things to accept is that you might need to let go. It’s part of the concept of detachment, and allowing your loved one to experience the consequences of their using.
I fought letting go with every inch of my being. To me, if felt like giving up, and that’s not what moms do. It took me years to understand that my rescuing and enabling was not helping my daughter. It was keeping her sick.
In time, I realized that letting go actually allowed me to hold on. Not to my daughter, but to the things that were important to MY recovery.
When I let go of paying her bills, I held on to my financial security.
When I let go of staying up all night waiting for her to come home, I held on to the rest I needed to function.
When I let go of believing the lies and manipulation, I held on to my self respect.
When I let go of denying myself vacations, and time for me, I held on to better mental and physical health.
When I let go of the chaos, I held on to my own sanity.
Most importantly, when I let go of believing that I could love my daughter clean or control her sobriety, she discovered the will to hold on and gain traction in recovery.
At some point, you may need to let go too. It might be easier to do if you view it as the best possible way to hold on to hope.